Q. Is the No vote in the 2014 independence referendum the final say on the matter?
A. Absolutely. You’re not allowed to change your mind. Not ever. That’s it. Even if you were too young to vote. Your elders decided for you. Accept it.
Q. Is the Leave vote in the 2016 EU referendum the final say on the matter?
A. God, no.
Q. Should the Leave vote in the 2016 EU referendum at least be implemented before being revisited?
A. No, it shouldn’t even be implemented.
Q. Would it have been OK not to even implement the result of the 2014 independence referendum?
A. No, ignoring the result of the indyref would have been a democratic outrage.
Q. In that case, isn’t ignoring the result of the 2016 EU referendum a democratic outrage as well?
A. No. The British people have had plenty of time to change their minds since 2016 and they have every right to do so.
Q. Haven’t the Scottish people had even more time to change their minds since 2014? Don’t they have every right to do so?
A. No. The Scottish people spoke in 2014 and that’s it forever. See above.
Q. Doesn’t this suggest that the British people have more democratic rights than the Scottish people?
A. Look, we need tactical votes from Tory supporters in Edinburgh West and East Dunbartonshire, so if you’re trying to get any consistency out of us you’re wasting your time.
Q. Should a referendum be required to overturn the result of another referendum?
A. Nope, no need for that. An election victory would be enough. (As long as it’s the EU referendum result we’re overturning, not the indyref result.)
Q. But you could win an election on as little as 35% of the vote?
A. So what?
Q. Well, aren’t you supposed to believe in proportional representation? How can 35% of the vote possibly be sufficient to overturn a 52% Leave vote?
A. We didn’t choose the electoral system, but we have to accept the results it produces.
Q. Don’t you therefore have to accept the results the electoral system produces when it gives the SNP a majority of Scottish seats?
A. No, in that particular case the result produced by the electoral system isn’t what’s important. The SNP only got 37% of the vote – that’s what counts.
Q. Doesn’t it therefore follow that you’d have to accept the pro-independence parties’ mandate to hold a second indyref when they win an impeccable mandate under the proportional representation voting system for Scottish Parliament elections?
A. No. The Scottish people spoke in 2014 and aren’t allowed any further say. See above.
Q. Aren’t you complete hypocrites for saying that you can overturn an entire referendum result on 35% of the vote, but that 51% of the vote wouldn’t be enough for the SNP and the Greens to simply hold another referendum?
A. We’ve already said you shouldn’t expect consistency from us. Weren’t you listening?
Q. Why did the Liberal Democrats propose an in/out referendum on EU membership, years before David Cameron did, if you didn’t think the result of such a referendum needed to be honoured?
A. God, did we actually do that? What are we like, eh?
Q. Did you enjoy serving in government with Iain Duncan Smith? Any favourite IDS anecdotes?
A. No comment.
